peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
