You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
