If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize