I smell stomach acid.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
