he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
