I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
