I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
