bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize