if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
