I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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