I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
