so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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