you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
