the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
