Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
