Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
