So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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