Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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