can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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