How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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