You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
