He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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