So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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