it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
