i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize