get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
