I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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