Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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