Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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