I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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