Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
