You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
