I CAN MOONWALK!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She bit a glass in half.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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