In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
