just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We left the knife in your bed.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
