I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
