This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
babies were throwing up all over the place
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
