For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
