I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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