SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
