i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
