We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
