Pants 0. Shit 1.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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