i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
