Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
