NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
