I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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