he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize