My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need a beard to bite.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
