I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
