We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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