Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
