I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
