i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
