Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize