billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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