So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
