You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
