Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
