At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
