Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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