You're my little dorito
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wish my penis had a tongue
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
