He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
