never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
