i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
