3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
