You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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