If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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