My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
