turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
