I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
