Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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