belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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