Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
