No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
