I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
