So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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