Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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