If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
