My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
