I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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