Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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