We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
