How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
