Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
