he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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