i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
