mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize