my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
