I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
