I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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