I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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