As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
