My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize