Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
