i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
