now i know why i became what i already was.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
