I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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