the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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