a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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