Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
