Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need a beard to bite.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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